9年国際結婚記念日 Celebrating 9 years of international 🇯🇵 🇧🇪 marriage and personal growth.
Nine years ago today, on July 1st Japan time, Makoto and I exchanged vows at Kamakura City Hall in a simple civil ceremony. We opted for an intimate celebration without a large gathering, a party afterward, or even a honeymoon until about six months later.
We’re not big on celebrations, so we won’t make a fuss over this anniversary either. Our relationship isn’t defined by grand gestures; instead, the love is found in the details. Here are some lessons I’ve learned along the way that I’d like to share:
Don’t live with your mother-in-law. Luckily that lasted only 1 year but it could have been the end of our relationship. It wasn’t so much anyone’s fault as a total mismatch of expectations and communication issues. I can only be grateful today that we survived that challenge! 😅
It’s ok to have different love languages. I’m a big fan of hugs and cuddles; I’m the one who will reach out to hold hands and sneak up behind him to give him a shoulder massage while he’s working. From the outside, people might see this as a very one-sided show of affection but I know he shows his love in a different way. It took while to get used to this but now I prefer his subtle messages to anything else.
Moving to a different continent changes things. We relocated from Japan to the US in our 2nd year of marriage, and honestly that felt like a reset for our relationship. It was a very challenging period, for me having to restart a new career in the US and for both of us getting used to living in a completely new place. I learned that sometimes you need to be patient for things to settle. We eventually got back into a different and even better groove.
Learning to truly listen and empathize is key. It’s easy to fall into a rut and take things for granted, sometimes even feeling resentful when the other person is dealing with their own issues and can’t fully support you. It took time, but I learned to trust that the support is there, even if it doesn’t show up in the way I expect at any given moment.
Respect your partner’s wishes, even if you think they are whimsical 🤭 My husband doesn’t like me taking or sharing his picture, so I chose a picture of a gift he gave me on our honeymoon that I recently dropped and just repaired today because I want to wear it for our anniversary. Maybe the fact that I broke a jade present (jade often symbolizes good fortune and health) and then repaired it to be stronger can also be a metaphor for our relationship 😉
In summary, after 9 years, we’re as strong as ever. Do we sometimes disagree? Of course! This journey isn’t a fairytale; it’s a genuine partnership built on love, understanding, and growth. I look forward to many more years of shared experiences and continued growth together.
What have you learned from your international marriage?
