On gratitude, generosity and deafening silence

I've been thinking about something recently, and I'm curious whether I'm the only one noticing it.

Over the years, a lot of people have reached out to me asking for advice. Sometimes they're interested in working in Japan. Sometimes they're looking for information about Japanese companies, introductions to people in my network, or guidance on navigating a career change. Most of the time, I'm happy to help. I've been fortunate to have many people help me throughout my career, and sharing a bit of what I've learned feels like a small way to pay that forward.

What I've noticed lately, though, is how often the interaction simply ends once the help has been provided.

I'll answer questions, make introductions, share resources, or spend time writing a thoughtful response and then hear nothing back. No update. No "this was helpful." Sometimes not even a quick thank you.

Now, before this starts sounding like a complaint, that isn't really what I'm interested in. What I've been reflecting on is why this seems to happen more often than it used to and what it says about the way we interact with one another.

Living in Japan for many years probably shaped my expectations. One thing I always appreciated was the importance placed on acknowledging the efforts of others. It wasn't necessarily formal, and it certainly wasn't about grand gestures. It was simply an understanding that if someone took time out of their day to help you, that effort deserved recognition.

A short note. A follow-up message. An update on how things turned out. The gesture itself was often less important than what it communicated: "I haven't forgotten that you helped me."

I sometimes wonder if technology has changed this. We're surrounded by information that's available instantly. Questions get answered with a quick search, a message, or increasingly, a query to AI. Maybe it's easier now to forget that behind some answers is a real person choosing to spend their time sharing their experience.

The more I've thought about it, though, the more I've realized the missing thank you isn't really the issue. The bigger question is how we keep ourselves open and generous when the acknowledgment never comes.

It's easy to become a little more reluctant. A little less willing to answer that email or take that call. After all, nobody enjoys feeling taken for granted.

But then I think about the people who helped me over the years. The mentors who answered my questions, the colleagues who made introductions, the people who gave me opportunities when they had no particular reason to do so. Those conversations and acts of generosity shaped my career in ways they probably never realized.

I suspect many of them didn't help because they expected gratitude. They helped because someone had done the same for them. That's probably the mindset I'm trying to hold onto.

Of course, a thank you is still nice. We're all human. We all like to know our efforts mattered.

But perhaps there's also value in accepting that not every meaningful interaction comes with immediate acknowledgment. Sometimes people are busy. Sometimes they're distracted. Sometimes they simply never learned the habit. And sometimes the impact of what you shared won't become apparent until much later.

We'll probably never know.

What we do get to decide is whether the silence changes who we are.